umm...yeah, we'd probably would....




not necessarily LOLcats material.




Walken as Stonewall Jackson. He's got my vote for prez in '08




I really think Gary wins.

i think i've learned a valuable (albeit depressing) attribute about myself. its pretty sad that you learn it right before you start the slump into middle-age.

i guess i'm man enough to say this about myself...

I HAVE A SERIOUS FEAR OF BEING DISLIKED.

there it is. i look back on what i just typed in all caps and its feels like i'm in AA or a rehab circle. how long has this screwed up parts of my life? will i ever have the chance to assert myself to a point of acceptance of this flaw and finally grow-up?

sure hope so. i'd hate to be a 40 yr old with the self-esteem of an seventh-grader.

'08 seems like a year of change and revelation. i think i'd like my self-realizations in small, bite-sized chunks, pour favor.

thought it might be time to try to explore more of the social networking that live journal affords. almost a year since i posted here. man, am i out of date.

to all...happy new year!

i hope this year brings promise of better prospects for everyone who needs it.

friend me if you like...it seems i have more time to talk after i learned to shut myself up. NARF!

DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist w/Kid Loala this friday.
may our heads all nod in sync.

peace

Superman's new fortress of solitude has apparently moved from the North Pole to Mexico.

http://www.crystalinks.com/mexicocrystals.html

When asked for comments on the recent move Superman repsonded: "It usually takes Million of years to make these crystal thingies. But in Mexico the seem to pop up faster than drywall."

Superman's narfarius comments came as no surprise after his return to the cinema tanked worse than the Exxon Valdez. Now with his sudden "outsourcing" we will probably be seeing him in the tabloids or dating Paris Hilton, if he hasn't already.


** puns aside **

Superman sucks balls since Christopher Reeves died. Sorry. Its almost as bad a Captain America's sudden death.
What will our heros be now? The Amzing Heartless Man (Dick Cheney)? or Puppet-on-a-stick Dubya?


leSigh

hope you are all well. hope you have some happiness running around your world.

sadly, a dear friend of ours' father lost his life to cancer yesterday. right around the anniversary of e's mother's passing. not such a bright Sunday.

i did however discover a stark self-realization about myself. i realize that i am so willing to try and please others (or receive their approval) that i am constantly changing myself and my rationale. i believe this to be counter-productive to friendships and familia relationships. i believe in it so strongly that i REFUSE to stop being who people want me to be. i think i am good-spirited and would gladly lend the shirt off my back. i will NOT, however, refuse my freedoms at the expense of others. even if they don't even know that i'm doing it.
i even tried to voice my opinions and make detentes with people i feel i have offended in some fashion or speech. all i received in return was "well Neal, you are mistaken. or Neal, you're simply wrong."

well guess what? ideas are ever changing. if you can't bend like a reed in the wind you will break. i have bent enough. i think my roots and ideals are strong enough to support my rationale on life and relationships without bending.

and besides, why bother...it's only life, and it's not permanent.

Yep. It's time again kids. Time for unkieneal's yearly apology.

See...it's quite simple really. Every year I somehow, someway, forget, hurt, bad-mouth, not-speak-to, or do *something* that shows I am less of a human being than I wish I could become. So I, respective glib comments aside, am truly sorry to anyone (or everyone, et. al.) I may have offended or have hurt emotionally. I truly am sorry.

I try to do this at least once every year.
I guess It could be guilt. I guess it could be my neurotic sense of self-loathing. But never-the-less I do apologize to you all.

And if I haven't offended you or hurt your feelings (yet) then take this advance missive with my sincerest apologies.

And to quote a man who died before his time:

"What else should I be
All apologies
What else should I say
Everyone is gay
What else should I write
I dont have the right
What else should I be
All apologies

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
Married
Buried

I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
Ill take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezerburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
Married
Buried
Married
Buried

Yeah yeah yeah yeah


All in all we all are"

See ya next time I'm feeling guilty

what are you looking at me for? i don't know what that subject means.


NARF!

CRAP...what else can one write in something as drivelish as a blog but crap?

state of the Neal Union:
1) i have come to finally understand that *many* people who i thought i knew no little to nothing about my principles or even me in general.
2) idealism has a dire personal price. it does not accept checks or IOUs either.
3) the anchor that holds my sanity has come loose. bout friggin' time.
4) how much time will i waste on feelings for friends and family that will remain indifferent to me?

and the big rub...(even the missus doesn't know this)

5) i may be taking a teaching position in Weimar, Germany. English-speaking, digital teaching. i found out i am on the short list.

so...i may end up losing everything (spouse included) but maybe i'll start doing something with my life before it ends or before Austin kills me. who knows? or is it who really cares?


*DRIVEL DRIVEL DRIVEL*

another day, another entry...

not sure what's happening in my life. any day above ground is a good day they say. and for the most part they're right. but i have had a feeling of unrest lately. i've become quite insular lately. trying to stop making an ass out of myself was my original intention. (yea, like that's gonna happen) sadly, i think my plan has back-fired. as i was hoping that giving people who know me a break from my nepotism and self-loathing it seems like i have created a distance barrier. i don't feel close to people like i used to. have i shot myself in the ego-foot? or were these bonds (i.e. friendships) solely temporary?

can't...be...sure...i guess if the latter turns out to be the case, its best to know it now. just wish i hadn't made my self so unavailable and unhelpful. bitterness is a dish best not served. almost like a 12 step program, i have kinda realized that the only thing i know is that i really don't know anything. maybe i should be learning more from the people who have come to tolerate all things unkie. oh, you poor, poor souls.

ah well...as i've said before, a jape, a jest, eternal rest.

have a nice valentine's day or i hope your day is rife with thoughts of revenge and hatred for love lost.

taking forever.

nah. it's never that bad, really.

some days are better than others. some days are worse.

general malaise? seems to be the emotion du jour. i need to reconnect with some good friends and maybe even deal with my dysfunctional family.

wow. maybe i'm becoming a goth. nah...i don't have enough black clothes.

quote overheard the other day:

"i'm so goth, i shit bats."


anyhooo...have a NICE day :)

so...good news. em and i are fine. worked through some grieving this week/weekend. had many emotional moments. em is fighting a rough uterus infection atm but all-in-all who are we to complain?

bad news. c'mon folks! what's an un post w/o some angst or whiney shit. its like a b post without DOOOOOM! em's employer of 4 years calls her up and tells her that she is NOT ALLOWED to be sad around her children even if em has only been apart from her mother's deathbed for 3 weeks. too bad this woman's children worship the ground em walks on b/c they will probably never get to see em again. so after 4 years em is planning on leaving this verbally abusive and hellabitch. i can't say i'm not happy for her. no one, especially em deserves to be yelled at for an hour for being sad and then have some lame accusations fly at her (like she's been slacking for 6 or 7 months but it's only an issue now.)
so its best for her to leave this craphole of a person and her malignant power. but it will take *half* of the money em's makes a week away from our burden coffers. oh well...

might have to panhandle to go to aikido class. just imagine my sign:

"I will attempt to block your attacks for spare change"

overall: i'm waaaay too much an idealist. this week/end has me firmly believing that 3 out of 5 people in this world are usually pretty shitty folk in general. maybe 2 out of 5. just got to stop believing that common sense and respect for others are to be expected in people today. i guess this old dawg is learning more tricks everyday.

maybe i just need to drown out this crap with Zoloft again. ignorance is bliss, they say. but what if the one's saying this are the 2 out of 5 ratio of assholes?

the world may never know.

good morning angst!

things aren't real grand in neal y em land.

maybe an early hibernation from the world til spring may be beneficial to not just us but for everyone.
so if you don't hear from me in awhile just poke me with stick in the nearest cave you can find. chances are i'll be there probably growing more back hair in the process.

have fun y'all. take care.

Thoughts on Iaido
by Nakamura Taizaburo with Guy H. Power & Takako Funaya

This is a translation of an article appearing in the 25 March 1988 issue of Nippon Budo Monthly. (1) - indicates footnotes.

I am not surprised that iaido has become remarkably spread and developed after World War II. Until the end of World War Two Japan's national identity was expressed through the Three Sacred Treasures--the mirror, the jewel, and the sword. The sword represents the spirit of the warrior to we Japanese; therefore, it is only natural to me that today there is an upsurge in the spirit of the Japanese Sword. This new popularity tells me that iaido has naturally spread among the Japanese. Before the war, not many people studied iaido even though they may have owned numerous swords. Those people had only owned swords simply because they were entitled to do so. In fact, kendo practicioners would say, "Studying iaido will prevent you from improving in kendo.' This attitude is attributed to the fact that iaido is composed mainly of kneeling techniques. In this sense, iaido has no relation to kendo, which contributed to iaido's not having been spread as widely as kendo in those days.

Until the end of the war sword techniques and forms were prohibited from being shown even to the parents and brothers of a practicioner; this way, the techniques could be transmitted only to the direct students of certain styles. However, one style made exception to this policy--Jigen Ryu. The techniques of this style were instructed to anybody within the Satsuma Clan of southern Japan. In most styles, techniques were transmitted only to those who were inducted into a dojo. It is typical that documentation regarding the densho (transmitted writings from generation to generation) of those schools did not include any exact methods of showing detailed descriptions in order to keep techniques secret.

For instance, the Omori Ryu's densho reads very much like the table of contents in a book. Only the names of techniques are mentioned, such as "front", "left, "right", "rear", "multi-layered hedges", etc. The one from Eishin Ryu uses such names as "side cloud", "first step of the tiger", "lightning", "floating cloud", etc. The techniques these terms describe are impossible to understand unless explained by the practicioners of these styles, although nowadays techniques and forms are fully explained by text and photographs in books circulated on the market. The other day I had the opportunity to talk with a certain martial arts expert. He stated that even in today's society, "...the prearranged forms of budo technique should not be revealed to others, but kept only to yourself for your discipline." He still carries through with his convictions. I was so impressed, thinking of the disparity between the present day and the olden times.

After the war I had the distinct honor on three occasions to meet sensei Nakayama Hakudo(1). He was from Ishikawa prefecture and told me that in the year of Taisho five (1917), he traveled to Tosa in Kochi prefecture to ask the Muso Jikiden Eishin Ryu headmaster for permission to receive instruction, only to be refused entry simply because "he is from other prefectures."

However, later in his life they decided to initiate him into the teaching, allowing him to present a petition on the condition that he not teach what he learned. The situation surrounding the transmission of teachings was like this even during the Taisho period (1912-1925). In short, without trying to find fault with old techniques, the predecessors of the old tradition of sword techniques (koryu toho) should preserve the techniques as nontangible cultural assets. The successors are, in my opinion, responsible for passing the tradition of techniques to the next generation.

Given such situations, once in a while I see strange, "fishy" forms and techniques of some styles during martial arts demonstrations and tournaments, causing me to call their effectiveness into question.(2) Before the Pacific war, around the time of the Manchu Incident (1931) which brought Japan into the China war, sensei Takayama Masayoshi, a Japanese Imperial Navy kenjutsu master-teacher, maintained that one cannot kill people with a sword using only kendo training. He withdrew from the Butokukai(3) to go to China where he experienced actual battlefield sword techniques.

After his return to Japan he codified these techniques, named the style Jissen Budo Takayama Ryu Batto Jutsu, and taught it at the Imperial Naval Academy; eventually he had the chance to teach Prince Takamatsu-no-Miya. Because of his sword testing in China(4) Takayama sensei was later classified as a war criminal and was sentenced to twenty five years confinement in the mountains of Oita prefecture. Later I was able to exchange ideas with Takayama sensei which was significant in my establishing Nakamura Ryu Happo Giri.(5) In relation to this exchange, three parties of the Butokukai belonging to the Army and Navy created logical(6) systems of standing sword techniques based on their battlefield experiences and extant old-school sword techniques.

Although the three fencing instructors could not bring their systems into uniformity in terms of prearranged forms, they taught their combat effective standing techniques until the end of the war. However, after the war they reverted to old-school sword techniques, belittling the teaching called "Shu Ha Ri".(7) I cannot help but to feel regrettful for the iaido prearranged forms training of the old-schools. Needless to say, I am under the impression that these old-school sword techniques seek development in artistic aspects. In my view, there are distinct differences between kendo and iaido, regardless of whatever logical argument each may make, including the theory expressed in the maxim "Kendo-Iaido, One Body". Marking the new Heisei dynasty (1989), and in celebration of my "Kijyu" (77th birthday), I decided to consolidate my long harbored views about Japanese sword techniques into the following 20 sections. I am afraid that the article might include some overlapping ideas and sentences due to my shallow knowledge; however, I ask the reader to allow me to be bold enough to present my observations.

1. I suppose it cannot be helped that the "art" theory has become popular these days, merging together with kendo. The martial ways are different from sports in that they involve situations where a clear distinction is made between life and death. Comparitively speaking, hasn't iaido become an "artistic" sport?

2. The similarity alluded to in the maxim "Kendo-Iaido, One Body" is theoretical. Technically speaking, sport kendo and the kneeling techniques of iaido must be considered as separate entities. I do not think there are any matching techniques between the two.

3. Iai is sword-technique art, and is said to be sword dancing. Because people outside Japan do not sit on their knees, it is physically difficult for non Japanese to study iai.

4. There is no possible reason for sitting erect on the knees while wearing a long sword, although it is correct to wear the short sword thus. When entering any building it was always proper to remove the long sword from the wearer's sash while at the foyer. Drawing the long sword while in the formal kneeling position is wrong in terms of etiquette and sword technique.

5. "Shohatto"(8) employs a movement from the formal kneeling position in which the practicioner steps forward in one move by completely raising the right foot, in a stomping manner, while simultaneously making a horizontal cut to the front; the left knee maintains contact with the ground. Because of having only one point of balance, and due to the strong force generated in actually cutting through an object, the practicioner can lose balance and fall down. Instead, the practicioner should glide forward by sliding the foot close to the ground.

6. When stepping forward while unsheathing the sword from the kneeling position, your stride is automatically two steps--this is technically not desirable. More than one step is unnecessary.

7. Omori Ryu has ten kneeling forms and only one standing form. Within these forms, all have downward vertical cuts; however, none employ a right or left diagonal cut. For this reason, I think this style lacks research on its techniques.

8. Omori Ryu has a technique in which you pivot your body to the left from the kneeling position while making a horizontal cut. I am doubtful as to the effectiveness of this technique; however, shifting the body to the rear or right is fine.(9)

9. In 1951 I performed Omori Ryu forms within the earthern entranceway of the country house of a well known Omori Ryu teacher. Since this was on the bare earth I decided to adapt the kneeling techniques to standing techniques so as not to dirty my clothes. After finishing, the teacher looked extremely disturbed and said, "that is not Omori Ryu!" These types of people are inflexible, obsessively sticking to the old ways. As such, they are incapable of thinking of practical applications for their techniques.

10. Modern iaido incorporates breathing methods into its techniques; such as, "in front of your enemy take two breaths, on the third, hold your breath". I wonder from what style this descends--this sword method really makes me call modern iaido into question.

11. One old-school rendition of the technique called "nukiuchi" calls for the blade to be silently and slowly drawn until only about three inches remain in the scabbard.(10) The practicioner then quickly slashs away in one motion to strike the target. I believe this is an "artistic" sword technique.

12. Attacking with the pommel of the sword's handle is illogical; manipulating an enemy with the tsuka (handle) is nothing but a contrived artifice.

13. In the old-school styles there are no withdrawing techniques after a thrust has been executed. Hikinuki, the disengagement of the sword after the thrust, is technically the Zanshin(11) regardless of whether it is in spear techniques or bayonet fighting.

14. There are techniques in which the palm of the left hand is placed along the back ridge of the blade. These are ineffective and are a waste of time.(12)

15. The sword's angle of attack and arc path are not discussed in the old-school styles. Based on my own test cutting experience, I feel that these are important in swordsmanship and must be studied.

16. Regardless of which art you are involved in, be it iaido or kendo, unless you experience cutting with a real sword, you will never begin to taste true sword technique.

17. In Japan iaido has been refered to as "iai-nuki". I dislike this usage since it was a term used among street performers after wearing the sword was abolished. It gives a bad connotation to iaido.

18. Most old-school styles do not know how to bring a sword cut to a halt without the blade wavering or trembling. The stopping action should be executed precisely and crisply.

19. In terms of sword techniques, uke-nagashi (to parry and deflect an overhead blow) is acceptable; however, uke-tome (block and stop) is fatal.

20. The correct name for iai-do is "batto-do". In the Muromachi period (1392-1572) the term "batto-jutsu" was used; it was only from the middle of the Edo period (1730s) that "iai-jutsu" began to be used. The correct naming of iaido is a separate issue to be addressed; I earnestly desire the adoption of either "iai batto-do" or "batto-do" as the official name.

In response to the above musings and from my research in test cutting over the years, I developed a logical system of sword techniques in 1952 which I call "Nakamura Ryu Battodo". The genesis of my system is based on a hint I received from the basics of calligraphy called "eiji happo"---the eight rules for writing the Chinese character "eternal".(13) My teaching is composed of the "Eight Fighting Postures", the "Eight Methods of Cutting", the "Eight Methods of Resheathing", and contains eight forms. This is a logical system based on my in-depth analysis of various swordsmanship forms, as well as research I conducted in actual test cutting; neither are enough, alone, to create combat effective techniques. I expect that I will receive criticism in my above reflections from iaido and kendo lovers, as well as from seniors, masters, and headmasters.

"The Japanese sword is the spirit of Japan. The Life-giving Sword trains and polishes Self; the road to cultivating yourself and self-discipline."

ABOUT THE AUTHOR. Nakamura Taizaburo, now 83, was born in 1912 in Yamagata prefecture. He began his study of kendo at the age of 15; when he joined the Imperial Army in 1932 he was already 3rd dan in both kendo and judo. After teaching kendo to the officers and noncommissioned officers of his regiment, Nakamura sensei was assigned to a boy's military academy as a fencing instructor; during this time he also studied Omori Ryu iaido. Later, Nakamura sensei was selected to attend the Army Toyama Academy where he became an instructor of actual-combat swordsmanship, bayonet, and knife fighting. He was dispatched to Manchuria as a "special fencing teacher" and instructed members of the select Yamashita Special Attack Force. During the final days of the war he further conducted research in test cutting by attempting to cut through the necks of five bulls, which were then butchered and fed to the regiment. Nakamura Sensei was the driving force in renovating the Hayashizaki Shrine, the only shrine in Japan dedicated to iai-battodo.

He also kept alive the tradition of the Toyama Academy by founding the All Japan Toyama Ryu Iaido Federation. Since that time he has been the Senior Master of Toyama Ryu. In 1952 he founded the Nakamura Ryu and has been involved in swordsmanship until this day. Nakamura Sensei resides in Tsurumi, Yokohama where he presides over the International Iai-Battodo Federation and teaches battodo for the Kaku Sei Kai. His titles and degrees are as follows:

Soke (Headmaster): Nakamura Ryu Batto-do (Happo-giri). So-Shihan (Senior Master): All Japan Toyama Ryu Federation. Battodo: Hanshi10th dan (International Martial Arts Federation). Kendo: Hanshi 8th dan (IMAF). Kendo: Kyoshi 7th dan (All Japan Kendo Federation). Jukendo (bayonet): Hanshi 8th dan (All Japan Jukendo Federation). Tankendo (short sword): hanshi 8th dan (AJJF). Kyudo (archery): 4th dan (All Japan Kyudo Federation). Judo: 3rd dan (the pre-war Judo Association). Calligraphy: Hanshi. President: International Iai-Battodo Federation. Senior Advisor: All Japan Battodo Federation. Senior Authority: Butokukai (Battodo section).

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTOR. Guy H. Power, renshi sixth dan, has studied Toyama Ryu battodo since 1983. From 1990 to1994 he was stationed in Japan where he studied both Toyama Ryu and Nakamura Ryu iai-battodo under Nakamura Sensei; he also studied Muso Jikiden Eishin Ryu iai-do for two years during his stay in Japan. Mr. Power was named by the International Iai-Battodo Federation as their official representative for the United States and awarded him their kanban (a traditional teaching license printed on a wooden board) authorizing him to teach both ryu, calligraphed by Nakamura sensei. He is believed to be the only non-Japanese to receive a martial art kanban.

ABOUT THE TRANSLATOR. Takako Funaya received her Master of Arts degree in Translation from the Monterey Institute of Inter- national Studies in California. She is currently an in-house translator for Fuji-Xerox, Japan.

FOOTNOTES:
1. Nakayama Hakudo (1869-1958). 16th headmaster of Muso Jikiden Eishin Ryu (Shimomura branch); founder of Muso Shinden Ryu; kendo, iaido, and jodo master; fencing master to the Emperor's Guard until the end of WWII. He is conceiveably the most famous sword master of the twentieth century.

2. Many of the forms have been taught in a vacuum and have lost their original meaning, or have been subjected to unintentional reinterpretation, others have been contrived during the luxury of civil peace without the benefit of combat experience; consequently, the original technique has become ineffective, but taught as viable.

3. The Dai Nippon Butokukai (Greater Japan Martial Virtues Association) has been the premier governing body of selected martial arts since 1895. Its headquarters, the Butokuden in Kyoto, is still used today as a martial arts training hall.

4. After the war Takayama Masayoshi was classified as a Class B war criminal for killing 10 Chinese prisoners of war with his sword. His style's name is translated as "Actual Combat Martial Ways, Takayama's Style of Sword Drawing Techniques."

5. Nakamura Style, Eight Direction Cut.

6. The Japanese word for logic means a scientific investigation of governing principles which leads to a correct or reliable conclusion. In the English vernacular we use "logic" to mean a 'reasonable expectationÕ.

7. "Shu Ha Ri". Observe (the old without straying), Break (strict observation and adapt different teachings), Leave (advancing beyond both former stages).

8. "Shohatto" (First Presentation of the Sword) is the basic sword technique common to most old-schools. As taught and practiced, the blade would strike the target while the right foot is still high in the air. This results in only the left knee remaining in contact with the ground at the time of impact.

9. Although capable enough of inflicting a wound, not enough force is generated during a left pivot to succesfully cut through a target.

10. The author feels this method is ineffective because not enough force is generated from a slow draw to allow a proper cut.

11. Zanshin (remaining spirit) is the final stage of an omnidirectional all-encompassing alertness. It is cultivated from intensive training and is displayed in a combative engagement stance, usually the finale of a form.

12. And dangerous. A case in point is that of Lieutenant Colonel Aizawa who cut his fingers employing this type of technique. Aizawa once had been a kenjutsu teacher at the former Army Toyama Academy and was an expert in kendo and bayonet fencing. In 1935, using his western model service saber, he assassinated the head of the Military Affairs Bureau, Major General Nagata (this action preceeded the February 26 Revolt of1936). After failing to kill the general with three cuts, Aizawa placed his left palm on the back of his sword at the mid point, assumed a bayonet fencing "half-right stance" and thrust strongly with his right hand, skewering the general completely through from back to front. This technique is very similar to the All Japan Iaido Federation's fifth form called "kissaki kaeshi" and Muso Jikiden Eishin Ryu's "Iwanami". Aizawa cut all four fingers of his left hand to the bone. He later stated, "As a Toyama Academy fencing instructor, I was disappointed and embarassed that I was unable to cleave the general in two with one stroke."

13. Eiji Happo, "the eight rules for writing the Chinese ideograph Ei (eternal)". The foundation of calligraphy, the "eight rules" specify how to draw the dot and the horizontal, vertical, and diagonal strokes; therefore, in being able to write one basic ideograph, the calligrapher can write tens of thousands of ideographs. These eight calligraphic strokes approximate "Happo Giri", the Eight Directional Cuts: thrust, left and right horizontal, vertical, left and right downward diagonal, and left and right upward diagonal cuts. All other cuts are but variations of these primary techniques. In assiduously practicing Happo Giri, the swordsman can truly become a master.

time to clean off my hard drives. in the last 2 months i have lost 2. in my total storage of 2.2 Terabytes this may be trivial. but the drives had important and irreplaceable info. damn you MAGNETIC STORAGE!

i am very concerned that my RAID 5 is failing. if this happens me and baby jeebus are gonna cry. regardless, time to nuke the pr0n. *sniffle* its almost like losing a favorite stuffed animal. (NO PLUSHIES! EVAR!)

but...now comes the video editing part. RAID 5 storage is gonna be paramount at this point.

so i must sacrifice a eGoat to the hardware gods lest i find myself swimming in the dead hard drive lake of fire.

seriously. life's too short to be as much as a drama-whine-a-holic as i am.

i need to cowboy the fuck up and take care of what i can and try not to stress over the things i can't fix.

so...dear readers, if i slip do me a solid and remind me to stop being such a whiney self-centered bastard. i'm far from having a "bad" life and all-in-all i have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to complain about.

i wish i had the "balls" like the original Cowboy Neal. Neal Cassidy. a cowboy and a freak. he didn't whine. he even died by the railroad tracks. that's not so bad. i like trains.

thanks in advance.

NOTE TO SELF: Cowboy up you sensitive schmo! You have a great life. Go to India or Africa and then see how thankful you are you whiney prick.


Thank you for not reading my whiney posts. we're all better for it.

Selah.

Houston refugees seemed to be ok, but now have to face the (hopefully) short drive back. Here's to full tanks of gas and 70mph speeds.

The next couple of days are gonna be hard for us. We drive to St. Louis on Thursday (our own 16 hours drive) and visit with em's mom. she is doing well from being about a month away from leaving this mortal coil. I have to break it to em today that I have to be back at school on Monday and not the Wednesday of next week like we had hoped. Gah. Once I fly back from St. Louis em stays there until the funeral. I will be without her for about a month. it will suck. i will be lonely again. this is what i dread most. i don't like empty houses for some reason. yeah, its gonna suck hard. but not as hard as it would watching your parent slip away, somewhat slowly. I keep asking her if she has the fortitude to do this task w/o me. she assures me that she will be fine. of course i'll feel like i should be up there for her. but have to take care of things at home.

Things at home...we had issues before her mother was sick. i hope we can weather them when things return to some state of emotional normalcy. i honestly am dreading coming home to an empty house. people are too important not to share.

so here i share my drivel. its like kleenex for the id.

stay well friends.

Nobody's meme:

Who are you and how did you find me and my physical lack of an ass?

Hôjô Masako
1156-1225
The 'nun-shôgun'

Masako, one of the most formidable political figures to take a place on the stage of Japan's warrior government, was the daughter of Hôjô Tokimasa and was married to Minamoto Yoritomo. Following the death of her husband (who had become the first Minamoto shôgun in 1192), Masako took up a nun's habit, accepting the tonsure from the priest Gyôyû in 1199. She by no means retired from politics, however, and worked closely with her father to secure the power of the Hôjô in Kamakura. One of her first actions was to form a council of 'elders' (the shukuro) to moderate the power of her own son, the headstrong 2nd shôgun Yoriie. Yoriie was infuriated by the measure, and turned for support among the Hiki clan, the Hôjô's chief political obstacle at the time. The Azuma Kagami relates that Masako overheard Yoriie plotting with the Hiki to kill Hôjô Tokimasa, and that Masako dutifully reported this to her father. Regardless of the truth to this story - or in what way it played out - the result was that Tokimasa moved first, eliminating the Hiki leadership in the fall of 1203. Deprived of his allies, Yoriie was forced into exile in Izu Province and was later murdered. In his place, the eleven-year old Sanetomo was installed, and here we may see the signs of developing cracks between Tokimasa and Masako, for the former had Sanetomo removed from Masako's residence and taken to his own. At this point, Tokimasa became the most powerful man in Kamakura and created the mandokoro office through which he might exercise his authority as regent to Sanetomo. Yet his pinnacle of success was to be short-lived. In 1205, Masako and her brother Yoshitoki ousted Tokimasa, ostensibly due to a supposed plot on his part to kill Sanetomo. Yoshitoki, still smarting from what he felt was an unjustified sentence passed on the Hatakeyama clan (they were eliminated on the suspicion of treasonous designs), publicly declared his support for Sanetomo, and according to the Azumi Kagami Tokimasa felt it wise to step down and retire.
Masako proved as useful to her brother as she had once been to their father, and in 1218 she was dispatched to Kyoto to suggest that one of Retired Emperor Go-Toba's sons be adopted as heir to the childless Sanetomo. Sanetomo was in fact assassinated the following year, and Go-Toba refused to offer a successor and in any case attempted a return to Imperial authority in 1221 that ended in failure.
Yoshitoki died in July 1224 and his passing inspired a conspiracy by the Iga family, who hoped to use the powerful Miura Yoshimura to topple the Hôjô and replace them in Kamakura. Masako learned of the threat and personally rushed to see Yoshimura, extracting a promise that he would stand by the Hôjô, effectively derailing the conspiracy before it had begun. Her brother Yasutoki safely assumed the regency, and the following year she died at the age of 69.
Masako was a remarkable figure and such was her political ability and sway in Kamakura that she was given the nickname of 'ama-shôgun', or the nun-shôgun.

Tomoe Gozen
Woman warrior

Tomoe Gozen provides one of the few examples of a true woman warrior in early to early modern Japanese history. While countless other women were at times forced to take up arms (in defense of their castle, for example), Tomoe seems to have been a consumate warrior. She was married to Kiso (Minamoto) Yoshinaka (though the Heike Monogatari describes her as a female attendant), who rose against the Taira and in 1184 took Kyoto after winning the Battle of Kurikawa. With the Taira forced into the Western Provinces, Yoshinaka began insinuating that it was he should carry the mantle of leadership of the Minamoto - a suggestion that prompted an attack by Minamoto Yoritomo. Yoshinaka - and Tomoe - faced the Yoritomo's warriors at Awazu, a desperate fight in which Tomoe took a least one head.
The Heike Monogatari says this of Tomoe…

"…Tomoe was especially beautiful, with white skin, long hair, and charming features. She was also a remarkably strong archer, and as a swordswoman she was a warrior worth a thousand, ready to confront a demon or a god, mounted or on foot. She handled unbroken horses with superb skill; she rode unscathed down perilous descents. Whenever a battle was imminent, Yoshinaka sent her out as his first captain, equipped with strong armor, an oversized sword, and a might bow; and she preformed more deeds of valor than any of his other warriors."
(Tale of the Heike, McCullough, pg. 291)

The HM goes on to say that Tomoe was one of the last five of the Kiso standing at the tail end of the Battle of Awazu, and that Yoshinaka, knowing that death was near, urged her to flee. Though reluctant, she rushed a Minamoto warrior named Onda no Hachiro Moroshige, cut his head off, and then fled for the eastern provinces.
Some have written that Tomoe in fact died in battle with her husband, while others assert that she survived and became a nun.

yeah. what the title sez.

i've sworn off self-loathing and emotional selfishness. But lordy, it still swears by me.



Allah/Buddha/God/Dog/WHOMEVER.... i'm still offering up the chance for you to give me leperosy for 30 minutes of emotional peace and quiet.

Pork-0-Rama wuz saturday...we left early before E's emotional meltdown occured. WHOO BOY! was that rough.
Sleep = 0
Tired = 100
Emotions = 1,000,000

so...ummm....yeah....and stuff.



been awhile. hi all. back to the angst we go.

great weekend. great wedding. great fun. great friends.

learned some very important lessons this weekend:

1) if i would shut up for 5 minutes and *actually* listen this world would be a better place and people wouldn't have to walk away or be condescending to me about my inane blather.
2) i am not even half as smart as i thought i was.
3) i completely and absolutely have no ass and have become the middle-aged man i thought i wouldn't reach. i think i'm getting uglier too.
4) i talk mostly to hear myself talk. and i've come to realize i really don't have anything with that much importantance to say.
5) i feel alone.

but I quote: "Other than that how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?"


but other than that "EVERYTHING IS COMING UP ROSES!"

check please